“When you were born you shit yourself all the time, couldn’t talk and your hands were too small to shoryuken. in other words you really sucked at being a person, but thats ok, when you start out at anything you will suck, the same is true for making games.” — Sophie Houlden, via Ascii Dreams

So very true. And that’s why, despite some setbacks and poor decisions early on, my days of crazy and impractical projects are far from over.

Also: I couldn’t even shoryuken until a couple of years ago.

(This was originally posted in June 2009 over on my old LiveJournal, but I’ve decided to resurrect it for a re-post here on Gravec.at. I also recommend checking out the original LJ comments thread for a similar homeless Sims misadventure with MycroftB’s Minnie Stickyfingers: “And still, when she walks up to a stranger’s house, covered in her own excrement, not having even been near soap in weeks, carrying a few bags of garbage, and asking to be let in, they’re still stupid enough to invite her inside, where she steals their TV and pisses all over the carpet.”)

Meet Hobo McHoberson, the latest unwelcome and generally unliked resident in an otherwise fairly pleasant town. His personality traits include Inappropriate, Slob, Clumsy, Loser and Mooch, and his life wish is Gold Digger, which I think involves marrying someone rich and then offing them to inherit the money. Silly Hobo, rich people would never marry someone as ugly and smelly as you.

Day one was fairly productive. After moving in and immediately starting a fight with Xander, the neighbor, Hobo decides to get into the swing of things and beg for food, with resounding success. Not merely content to insult a stranger and eat his sandwich, Mr. McHoberson invited himself in and started making inappropriate advances towards Xander’s girlfriend, begging her for money, then finally just giving up and raiding the fridge. Look how happy he is with those stolen beans! And after a long day’s harrassment, it’s time to take a nap in someone else’s bed.

After a pleasant sleep, more lewd advances, followed by assault and further begging, and to top it off, Hobo’s depravity knows no bounds as he tries to get it on with someone twice his age before the residents finally get tired of his stench and eject our hero from the premeses, with stolen book clutched firmly in grubby hand.

It was a pretty good first day, with several free meals and a whopping §6 mooched from the unfortunate neighbors. Sometimes, I wish my life was as awesome as Hobo McHoberson’s. Don’t you?