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There’s a time in everyone’s life where they think, “This is it, I’ve gone too far this time, I’m actually going to die.” In my case, that’s more like several times, ranging from the time I climbed over the fence protecting my frail human body from a local power substation, to the time I was hit by a van travelling at enough speed to cause me to literally lose all memory of the impact. Today, that feeling returns again with an energy shot which is so obscure, it doesn’t even show up on Google. Think about that for a moment. This may very well be the first LSV Shot review in the world. I feel both pride and terror. I’m like Christopher fucking Columbus here.

The bottle identifies itself as an “Intense Mixed Fruit Flavour Drink with Sugar and Sweetener”, which worries me deeply. The chemical content is fairly tame, though — 75mg of caffeine, and some vaguer quantities of taurine, and glu… gluco… glucuronolactone. What’s the worst that could happen, he says, while opening the bottle and spilling a sweet-smelling splash on his t-shirt. My god, do they ever want to give value for money, this gunk is literally filled up to the brim.

Speaking of the smell, it reminds me a fair amount of the Monster energy shot; it’s a fairly gentle, sweet, pleasing aroma which almost makes me not regret this whole escapade. Maybe I’m weak or maybe the bottle is unusually tall, but I’m inclined to swig it back in three shot-glass-sized mouthfuls, each about as jarring as the last, and…

And here’s where it gets crazy. No, not because I swear the image on the screen out of the corner of my eye is jittering slightly. The madness comes because the flavour — while tinged with the sharp, brackish edge that plagues most energy shots (is this what caffeine tastes like?), the flavour is gone remarkably quickly, leaving very little aftertaste. I’d dare say it’s even moderately pleasant to swallow, as insane as such a suggestion might be. Certainly not the kind of flavour I’d want to kick back with in a tall glass at the end of a long day, but as far as energy shots go — especially ones so low-priced, as evidenced by the branded price tag — it’s really quite good.

The low caffeine content is the kicker, though. 75mg? I’d get more caffeine than that licking the counter-top at Starbucks, and likely cheaper, too. Still, I’d take a dozen of these over even one of the horrible alternatives any day of the week, and at least this way, maybe the Starbucks staff will stop looking at me with such disdain.

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