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When faced with too little sleep and a mountain of tasks that must be performed before my woefully undersized apartment is assaulted by several blood-hungry gamers, caffeine is the light at the end of the tunnel, the saviour in the dark times. At such an occasion, what better than to sample an energy shot I’d been previously gifted for Christmas, the misleadingly-named Health Energy Potion, an obvious attempt — along with its brother, the Mana Energy Potion — to appeal to the nature of RPG-players such as myself, with the assumption that we’ll simply soak up the dreadfully nerdy nature of the product in a manner not unlike osmosis. Unfortunately, they’re right; I’m a massive geek, and I find the idea of a real-world simulacra of health and mana potions to be shamefully appealing.

The question remains, however, how this whimsical product measures up against the more staple offerings of energy drink shots. Things got off to a bad start as I strained to make my way through the remarkably strong plastic covering — despite the ineffectual perforation — and struggled for a full minute with the “EasyOpen” seal, though perhaps this could be blamed on my general ineptitude. Finally, victory was mine, and this smallish — yet large for an energy shot — potion was ready for consuming.

Tradition first, of course, and with the falsely-named seal gone, a quick whiff of the crimson liquid revealed something I haven’t experienced for some time: regret. The kind of regret one can only experience after realizing that they really shouldn’t have made that bet to drink a gallon of milk in one go, but all their friends are watching and it’s too late to back out now. The kind of regret where you know the pain is coming, yet you simply have to man up and accept life’s sufferings. The fluid smelled like something I’d expect from an apothecary of yore — which is to say, a charred, acrid scent with a metallic hint of ozone. If mere water could be badly burned in the manner of an incompetent cook and then bottled, I think it’d smell something like this.

A cursory sip revealed something surprising, however. A sharp bite, somehow unlike the usual B-vitamin face-punch of most energy shots, which leaves a surprisingly fruity flavour in its wake, fading to an aftertaste which is more sugary sweetness than anything. The usual stomach-churning bitterness that makes up for the vast majority of aftertaste in the vast majority of energy shots is remarkably non-present. With time running short and jobs still to do, I bite the bullet and chug the rest of the potion in a single, determined motion, hoping this increase in hit points will help me get through the day — and again with the surprise, the entire bottle providing a solid mouthful yet somehow not at all unpleasant, the overriding fruity sweetness balancing the sharp edge and fading quickly after being swallowed. Mere moments after being consumed, it’s almost as though nothing was swallowed at all, save for the faintest of lingering reminders at the back of the throat.

It would appear that the Health Energy Potion has proven my initial suspicions thoroughly incorrect, and is in fact a remarkably pleasant little shot of chemicals providing a much-needed boost without the suffering that so often comes hand-in-hand with other products. While thoroughly gimmicky by nature, it still manages to be a solid and heartily recommendable product, a rare shining gem in a market flooded with dreadful alternatives.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find my sword; I’ve got some dragons to slay.