During a recent visit to gorfy‘s house with lilpika and tigerpawz, it was revealed that Gorfy was now the proud owner of a smoothie maker. While normal people may have used it to create something pleasant, we decided to create the most bizarre concoctions we could imagine. Thankfully, such travesties as the “mixed bean smoothie” and the “hotdog smoothie” never got created, but we did come up with a few monsters. (Click on the thumbnails to see the full images.)

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Experiment #1: Dire Tuck

Ingredients:
Half a tin of fruit cocktail in pear juice.
One double choc chip muffin.
Some left-over fruits of the forest yogurt ice-cream.
An undefined quantity of apple juice.

This one was best described as a monstrosity, an oozing, bubbling brown mass that the photographs barely do justice, complete with mystery solid bits and a generally horrible composition. At this point, we should have learned that putting muffins into smoothies is not a good idea.

Pawz gave it 7/10, Gorfy and myself rated it 6/10, and Pika gave it a dismal 2/10 — which, in retrospect, it probably deserved.

Quote of the moment: “I think I’m going to throw up.” — me.

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Experiment #2: Tropical Salad

Ingredients:
Fruit cocktail in pear juice.
A tin of pineapple rings.
An undefined quantity of orange juice.
However much Malibu was left in the bottle.

This one seemed better than the first experiment at first, but mystery solid bits and the generally unusual combination of flavours soon let the experience degenerate into what I personally consider to be the lowest point of the experiments. Despite the alcohol, this was the only time I could not actually finish my glass.

Pawz and Gorfy gave it a 7/10, I gave it a 5/10, and Pika handed out his worst rating yet, a mighty 0/10.

Quote of the moment: “Wow, it’s actually quite alcoholic.” — Gorfy.

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Experiment #3: Orangbangcado

Ingredients:
One avocado.
One mango.
One banana (or was it two?)
An undefined amount of orange juice.
Some cheap vanilla ice-cream.

Despite my insistence that avocado was unworthy of being mixed with other fruit, and it just wouldn’t work at all, this attempt at a fairly normal smoothie actually turned out remarkably well, and was quite pleasant compared to the two nightmares we had to endure previously. However, it still sufferered from the mystery solid bits problem, which was still as offputting as ever.

Myself, Pawz and Gorfy all gave it 8/10. Just to be different, Pika gave it 7/10.

Quote of the moment: “Wow, it’s actually nice!” — me.

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Experiment #4: Jaffa the Hutt

Ingredients:
12 Jaffa Cakes.
More cheap vanilla ice-cream.
Two double choc chip muffins.
An undefined quantity of orange juice.
A fair bit of Malibu.

This one was my idea from the start, and I’m both ashamed and proud in equal measures. The most gloopy creation so far, this one kept requiring extra orange juice as it barely managed to trickle out into our waiting wine glasses. Why orange juice? I figured it’d work, since Jaffa Cakes contain a substance that is not entirely unlike oranges. This one seemed amazing at first, but the more I swallowed, the harder it was to drink — nontheless, I still finished off both mine and Pika’s. The main problem was that, despite mystery solid bits, it was simply too sweet, like drinking a cake.

I originally gave it 10/10, but later dropped my score to 8/10. Pawz and Gorfy gave it a 6/10, and Pika — who never even finished his glass — gave it a 5/10.

Quotes of the moment:
“Well, at least it’s more liquid than cake.” — me.
“It’s like a thousand tiny eyes staring up at me.” — me.

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