Sometimes I wish it was possible to insert images into compiled C code, in a way that’d make them pop up on the screen — 90s hacker movie style — when anyone tried to tamper with my precious creation.

Mostly, I wish this was possible because then I’d have this pop up inside a large, angry, hazard-line box.

Oh, c’mon. You know that’d be awesome.

Just a little post to mention that I’ve added a new Articles & Features page to the site, for hosting what I could only describe as more static content than blog posts. There’s not much up there right now, but I plan on adding more in future, and possibly even digging out some old content from former iterations of the website.

Right now, I’ve just got some work-in-progress wargear lists for Dawn of War II’s Last Stand mode, and I’ve finally brought back my old article on Final Fantasy XI XP rings, since I still get search-engine hits on the subject remarkably frequently. (Also, apologies if the FFXI post clogged up your RSS reader, I mistakenly entered it as a post, at first, rather than a static page.)

So there I was, watching my DVD of The Matrix Revolutions, when I saw something that made me do a double take. Surely, that couldn’t be what I thought it was? But I rewound the DVD, and sure as can be, there it was. Call me crazy, but I’m fairly convinced that I saw the Honey Monster — the big furry yellow mascot of the Sugar Puffs breakfast cereal — in the movie. If you think I’m a filthy Photoshopping liar and want to check for yourself, it’s right at the start of the bit where Morpheus, Trinity and Seraph are busting into the Merovingian’s club, just after they killed the guards outside. Literally the first few frames as it cuts to the new scene.

Still not seeing it? Look again.

Now tell me I’m crazy.

I’m going to take a little time-out from the Let’s Play to answer some questions which people seem to have been asking Google; there’ve been some quite unlikely search engine requests showing up on the log, so I’m going to see if I can respond to a few. Yes, these are all real and completely un-edited search requests which brought people to my site.

kresh’s back or worn turtle shield — Either or, really. They’re both pretty good, so I’d say, whichever drops. Kresh’s Back has a small amount of Defense Rating while the Worn Turtle Scale Shield has extra armour, but given that both are ilvl 20 blues, the difference at that point is honestly negligable. Mostly, it comes down to which you think looks cooler. I prefer Kresh’s Back, myself.

dodongo dislikes smoke — Yes he does. Please stop searching for this, I swear it’s possibly the most popular search term this blog receives.

what do you do when it says dodongo dislikes smoke — oh god

scourgelord tyrannus without wiping — This is not a difficult boss, just use your head. Don’t attack or heal when you’ve got Overlord’s Brand, because attacking with the brand will hurt the tank (much like Mirrored Soul) and healing while you’ve got the brand will heal Tyrannus. It only lasts a few seconds, so just take your hands off the keyboard and wait for it to go away. Also, avoid the aerial attacks if possible, and if you get targetted by the dragon, run like a motherfucker. With all that in mind, you’ll do fine.

can overlords brand be dispelled — No. Stop asking.

shall i give you dis pear? — I certainly wouldn’t say no. So delicious.

assassin’s creed 2 was unfulfilling — That’s not even a question, that’s an opinion. Why on earth are you searching for this?

what is the book green man blue cat about? — It’s not actually a real book. It’s a joke.

anal sex — Not right now, thanks.

tar content djarum black — 10mg.

ffxi which xp ring to use? — Not the Chariot Band. Either of the other two are fine, but the Chariot Band doesn’t give you as much bang for your buck. (Edit: Click here!)

can you own a chariot band and emperor ring at the same time — No.

(If you’ve just started reading, the first post can be found right over here.)

And we’re back! Thanks to these fine folks I’ve got SC4 running happily in a window, so it’s time to get back to building. But before I do, I think it’s important to assign a representative in this district of the city, someone who can act as my eyes and ears in the pixellated world below. There could only really have been one man for the job, and I assigned him a shitty little run-down shack near the crater’s edge. How’s it going, Garrosh?

Same shit, different day.

Socketrape is expanding nicely; added protection from the fine folks at the Firestarters, Inc. fire station and Dr. Zed’s Vivisectorium should keep these miserable fuckers alive at least long enough for this cesspit to flourish. Road, power and water connections have been made to the nearby ether, the residential and industrial districts suffered aggressive expansion, and the citizens are predictably complaining about every little fucking thing they can think of, the ungrateful mongrels. They’ve even been asking for trees and parks long after my inclusion of the local community garden, This Is Where You Bury The Bodies. It’s a hard life being mayor, but someone has to do it. Somehow, despite the constant bitching, these parasites love me all the same.

Island of Dr. Moreau

Things have taken a turn for the worse, though — while I was constructing my little island paradise home and wasting far too many taxpayer dollars (yes, it needs a moat!), the rest of the city was dying of thirst due to the water towers conveniently located in the heart of the industrial district being shut down because of — wait for it — water pollution. The inclusion of a costly yet pleasantly industrial water treatment plant did little to stop the powers that be opening and re-closing the adjacent water towers, so the city’s water supply has been moved elsewhere, amidst constant complaints about pollution, garbage, and requests to build a fucking church.

I mostly just ignored their pleas, and continued to build a ridiculously elaborate park/recreation area near my house and the city hall, in an attempt to raise the land value to a ludicrous level. Meanwhile, the city is going to hell — there’s a massive cloud of pollution around the industrial district (no thanks to the new oil power plant), barely any interest in commercial development, hundreds of jobless residents, and the city advisers yelling at me constantly about education, pollution, water supply, hospital funding, all while my cash supply goes slowly down the drain, the city unable to maintain its maintenance costs.

What began as a pipe-dream is quickly becoming a logistical hell, as New Gomorrah is collapsing under the weight of its own decadence; the irony of the situation certainly hasn’t escaped me. Even Garrosh is joining in with the picketers; he wants better education, is infuriated by the terrible health-care, and complaints about city-wide traffic problems are coming in from all sides. Even the prisons are overflowing, crime rates hitting new highs as there simply isn’t any way to contain the legions of convicts.

Could this be the ill-fated end for Socketrape and New Gomorrah? Not if I can help it, that’s for damn sure.