Since I have a fairly extensive collection of teas, I decided the best way to choose which order to review them in — without bias — would be to take an idea from this fine chap and let fate (or more specifically, random numbers) decide. So with a poorly-drawn-up list and the help of random.org, I came up with the number 14, and… oh no. Oh please god no. The one single box in my cupboard which I actually disliked quite a lot, the only one of the many times I experimented with something new and came up with a result I found displeasing. Number 14… is the nettle tea.

Karma strikes again, it seems. But what is the meaning of fate, if I’m unwilling to be bound by its cruel whims?

I’d like to pause for a moment here and say that I’ve had generally good experience with tea from Clipper in the past, so this dislike is purely a personal bias against nettle tea, one that I didn’t even know I had until I tried it. I may be a Twinings fag, but Clipper and Jacksons also rate pretty high on my personal scoreboard. With that disclaimer aside, let’s get on with it.

First of all, the smell of the bags is distinct, to say the least. It’s earthy, leafy, and carries a strong scent of something unfamiliar yet thoroughly abhorrent to me, something that makes me scrunch my nose up and back away from the box. I’m assuming this scent is from the nettles, a plant which I’ve had generally bad experience with in the past (I got stung many times as a kid), and my opinion of the plant is certainly no closer to changing now.

The addition of the magic substance known as boiled water does little to help the situation; the concoction is a clear, murky brown with a twinge of green, and the smell — while losing its earthy edge compared to the bags — still retains every bit of its acrid odour. While the smell could hardly be described as lingering, almost the opposite — one of life’s small favours — I still can’t help but lean away from the steaming brew, unwilling to spend much time in its presence. I seem to recall my first experience with nettle tea, at this point being overwhelmed with the sensation of “oh god why am I doing this”, that kind of dread-regret that one only experiences when they realize they’ve simply gone too far to turn back, and nothing but pain lies ahead.

And that’s exactly what does lie ahead.

The flavour is somewhat dampened from the miasma that surrounds the mug, closer to black tea than anything, but with a slightly bitter, unwelcome edge and a faint, lingering aftertaste of what I can only assume is the oft-mentioned nettle. The more I drink, the more noticeable it becomes; certainly not the horror I’d expect, but still a distinctly unwelcome, slightly cloying taste. And, unfortunately — perhaps even disappointingly — that’s all there is to it; an experience much like black tea blended with privet leaves, a lingering negativity, and a distinct mephitis around the mug.

It’s been a long time since my last Linkdump, and I think it’s about time for another! Here’s some more gems I’ve discovered on YouTube over the past indeterminate period of time:

• DAN the MAN — You’ve beaten the robot boss and saved the princess, but what happens next? This rather charming 16-bit-style animation explores the trials and tribulations of a video-game hero.
• Nu Pogodi — The Russian equivalent of Tom and Jerry, featuring a chain-smoking wolf and a rabbit of disturbingly uncertain gender.
• Old Spice Odor Blocking Body Wash — You thought the one with the horse was crazy? These ones take crazy to the next level. Check out the channel, there’s half a dozen more with the scary shouting guy.
• Standing Cat — Standing Cat has to be seen to be believed. Standing Cat is the best thing on the planet right now. Oh, and here’s an amusing edit.
• 8-Bit Dr. Horrible — Do I even need to say anything about this one? Surely, the name should say it all. :)
• Indie Man — Defending independent games by sabotaging major game studios!
• What Cats Are Really Thinking — A surprisingly well-done dub, showing what cats really think when you baby-talk to them.
• Thinking About Your Axe Wound — If this one doesn’t make you giggle like a schoolchild, then you’re clearly too mature to be reading this blog.
• Scarface School Play — Normally I despise children, but there’s something charming about this school play of Scarface. Say hello to my lil’ friend!
• Cake Flushing with Nick Frost, Simon Pegg, and Edgar Wright — “I’ve never flushed a cake before and I thought it might be nice.”
• Nature By Numbers — A rather charming animation showing how fundamental mathematical principles occur all the time in nature.
• Adventures of the League of STEAM — Anyone who is a fan of steampunk will adore this series, following the adventures of a bumbling group of steampunk scientists.
• The Stallion — An amusing cartoon short about a bad-tempered, alcoholic rabbit, and a horse with… well, you’ll see.
• Wrath of the Lich King, Casino Royale style — Again, the name says it all! There’s a few weak points and it’s better at the beginning than the end, but it’s overall quite impressive.

That’s one hell of a long title, but unfortunately, such tends to be the way when dealing with anything beyond your bog-standard “builder’s brown” teas.  Since my last review wasn’t even technically a tea, and was instead one of those “fruit infusions” that I’m unashamedly gay enough to be drinking, it’s time to tackle something that actually contains some of the world’s best leaves.

Which is to say, tea leaves.

This is actually one of my personal favourites of the bunch and something I used to plough through like there’s no tomorrow; while I’m generally more of a fan of green tea overall than — say — black, white, or the other varieties, this particular blend just tops the charts in my book. The clean, light taste of green teas tends to make them ideal for mornings or early-day activities, perhaps less suited for middle-of-the-night drinking, though that never stopped an uncultured drudge like me.

The bags themselves are fairly unremarkable, and simply smell like most green tea bags are wont to do — dry and grassy. The inclusion of the magic ingredient (hot water) is truly the key here, however, which unlocks a remarkably simple yet pleasing aroma of distinct citrus, mixed with the usual grassiness of the green tea. While I’d say it leans slightly towards the grapefruit side, it’s largely indistinct and a fairly good balance of the two, without overpowering the tea itself.

The flavour is, unsurprisingly, exactly what one would expect from the smell — an indistinct yet entirely pleasing and surprisingly gentle blend of citrus, which compliments but doesn’t smother the delicate flavour of the green tea. It’s certainly the kind of experience that could only be appreciated by someone who already enjoys the flavour of plain green tea, but the additions are more than welcome in my book. Overall, it’s quite a subdued and gentle combination, while remaining fairly light and fresh, which is why I think it wins even more points towards being an ideal candidate for morning tea, when you’re still stumbling about in a bleary-eyed, groggy haze.

If you like green tea, it’s a fantastic choice in the Twinings range and I can almost guarantee you’d enjoy it; it’s even worth trying for those of you who may not have experienced green tea at all, and are curious to try something fairly mild and easygoing. For those who staunchly prefer black tea, though, I doubt this will be enough to change your opinion on green, though you’re certainly welcome to prove me wrong.

I’ve actually been meaning to start doing this for a long while now, though I’m not entirely sure what took me so long. As someone who has acquired a frankly obscene amount of different teas (and continues to expand said collection at any given opportunity), and someone who also enjoys spending time writing reviews of all and sundry on this blog, it seems like a natural conclusion to make a start on some tea-reviewing.

Before I begin, I’m going to make a number of concessions; I’ll say this now, so if anyone suggests any of the above later, I can point here and say, “Well, at least I was honest.”

1. It has been suggested that I’m gay for Twinings. I’ll of course deny any such accusations, but it’s true that they do make up a large portion of my tea collection.
2. My taste in teas — and in food in general — is much like my taste in movies; base, simple, unsophisticated. Don’t expect something akin to wine-tasting bullshit here, this is written by the common people, for the common people.
3. I know that fruit teas (or “infusions”, or whatever) don’t actually contain tea leaves, so probably aren’t technically tea. I know this. I don’t care. See point #2.

With that said, I’m going to make an attempt to review something I just grabbed out of the cupboard on a whim: Twinings Cranberry & Sanguinello Orange, from their “fresh & fruity” range. I’ve already got a number of other offerings from this range, which span the line all the way from disappointing to fantastic, so while I’d consider this range somewhat hit-and-miss, it’s generally worth checking out for the sake of the hidden gems.

I had pretty high hopes for this particular one — while I may not be the biggest fan of cranberries (I don’t dislike them, but they’re firmly planted in the ‘neutral’ territory of neither like nor dislike in my mind), oranges are one of those things that I’d be honestly surprised if anyone disliked. Oranges are fucking great. So with that in mind, surely anything that contains oranges would be equally superb? Well, not quite.

I’m going to first comment on the smell, while avoiding tedious tropes drawled out by wine-tasting sorts. The bags themselves smell musty and unappealing, like a dusty old attic that’s been undisturbed for decades (and yet may once upon a time have contained fruit), while the finished product is… similarly disappointing, the vague scent of oranges overpowered by something unfamiliar and while not outright unpleasant, certainly not terribly appealing.

The taste, while a great deal improved and largely unlike the smell in most regards, is best described as painfully average; the sharp, clear bite of the orange shines through as one would expect, but it feels somehow stifled by the myriad of other flavours, certainly not as “refreshing” as the box would have you believe. I honestly couldn’t begin to muddle through the other mix of uncertain flavours, but the fact remains that this feels like too much in too small a package, and rather than just letting the primary flavour shine through, it’s bogged down by too much excess.

Overall, it’s not necessarily a bad experience, but it’s one that I find purely average and unremarkable in almost every respect, not nearly as exciting as the vibrant box photography implies. It’s okay, but that in itself is the main problem — it’s only okay, not something so much better that it could have been.

Well, between modifications to my templates and tinkering with various new WordPress addons, I’ve revamped the site’s back-end a fair amount, while providing a few neat new features. Many of these are purely for the sake of my own sanity or the site’s upkeep — things like more anti-spam measures, extra security, IP/referrer blocking, XML sitemap generation, etc. — but a few of these may be useful to my fine readers.

I’ve finally gotten around to fixing the HTML and CSS to be more or less standards-compliant; there’s still a few hiccups here and there, but it more or less validates, as do the various feeds. We’ve also got a better paging system for older/newer posts on the front page, and an automatically-generated “related posts” list that should keep track of similar topics (you have to actually go onto the post page itself, they won’t show on the main page). Best of all, we now have proper support for the iPhone, Blackberry, and other mobile devices — rather than struggling with the template which was clearly designed for modern computer resolutions, it offers a completely different interface for mobile users.

Pretty cool, no? :)